because sometimes there are invisible tests and invisible rules and you’re just supposed to … know the rule. someone you thought of as a friend asks you for book recommendations, so you give her a list of like 30 books, each with a brief blurb and why you like it. later, you find out she screenshotted the list and send it out to a group chat with the note: what an absolute freak can you believe this. you saw the responses: emojis where people are rolling over laughing. too much and obsessive and actually kind of creepy in the comments. you thought you’d been doing the right thing. she’d asked, right? an invisible rule: this is what happens when you get too excited.
you aren’t supposed to laugh at your own jokes, so you don’t, but then you’re too serious. you’re not supposed to be too loud, but then people say you’re too quiet. you aren’t supposed to get passionate about things, but then you’re shy, boring. you aren’t supposed to talk too much, but then people are mad when you’re not good at replying.
you fold yourself into a prettier paper crane. since you never know what is “selfish” and what is “charity,” you give yourself over, fully. you’d rather be empty and over-generous - you’d rather eat your own boundaries than have even one person believe that you’re mean. since you don’t know what the thing is that will make them hate you, you simply scrub yourself clean of any form of roughness. if you are perfect and smiling and funny, they can love you. if you are always there for them and never admit what’s happening and never mention your past and never make them uncomfortable - you can make up for it. you can earn it.
don’t fuck up. they’re all testing you, always. they’re tolerating you. whatever secret club happened, over a summer somewhere - during some activity you didn’t get to attend - everyone else just… figured it out. like they got some kind of award or examination that allowed them to know how-to-be-normal. how to fit. and for the rest of your life, you’ve been playing catch-up. you’ve been trying to prove that - haha! you get it! that the joke they’re telling, the people they are, the manual they got- yeah, you’ve totally read it.
if you can just divide yourself in two - the lovable one, and the one that is you - you can do this. you can walk the line. they can laugh and accept you. if you are always-balanced, never burdensome, a delight to have in class, champagne and glittering and never gawky or florescent or god-forbid cringe: you can get away with it.
you stare at your therapist, whom you can make jokes with, and who laughs at your jokes, because you are so fucking good at people-pleasing. you smile at her, and she asks you how you’re doing, and you automatically say i’m good, thanks, how are you? while the answer swims somewhere in your little lizard brain:
how long have you been doing this now? mastering the art of your body and mind like you’re piloting a puppet. has it worked? what do you mean that all you feel is… just exhausted. pick yourself up, the tightrope has no net. after all, you’re cheating, somehow, but nobody seems to know you actually flunked the test. it’s working!
aren’t you happy yet?
Excuse me I have to go and lie face down on the floor now.
hot take but i actively miss when tv shows were like 20 episodes a season. slow down. let me get to know the characters. let them do something dumb and not consequential to the plot for one fucking second i’m begging you.
I may be stupid but I really dont think there’s much more to being a good person than “do not add to the suffering in the world”
I’m not in a position to enact meaningful change, I have to work hard every day just to take care of myself, but like, the least I could do is not be a bigot. That’s something anyone can do. I can just live my humble, small life, and as long as I don’t hurt people, and I help people when I see an opportunity that I’m capable of safely contributing to, I think that’s probably enough
So the James Webb telescope took a picture of a infant star!!
The small glowing blob is protostar L1527! Caught in the glow of its sunrise-like creation the baby is only 100,00 years old! It can take up to 50 million years for a star to reach the size of our sun. This infant has a long time to go.
Located 460 light years away this is one hell of a childhood photo!
So the James Webb telescope took a picture of a infant star!!
The small glowing blob is protostar L1527! Caught in the glow of its sunrise-like creation the baby is only 100,00 years old! It can take up to 50 million years for a star to reach the size of our sun. This infant has a long time to go.
Located 460 light years away this is one hell of a childhood photo!
The “I’m bi, actually” is so dear to me because yes bitch let’s say the word!! Finally someone makes their characters say bisexual on television!!!!!!! FINALLY
